Brian Robinson’s BIG HAT deserves all caps because it’s a BIG HAT

I was convinced it had to be a photoshop. When the following tweet containing a photo of Brian Robinson was dropped into Slack I refused to believe it was real.

Oh, but it is, dear readers. BIG HAT is real, and it’s spectacular. I’m very excited about BIG HAT, largely because I feel the need to overcompensate for Robinson’s lack of excitement. This was a dude doing a solid for a friend, but it does not seem like he’s especially amped to by the face of BIG HAT in the NFL.

In fact, this is more suited to be the face of BIG HAT.

Strong Toad energy aside, I’m fascinated with this whole BIG HAT thing. I’m not really sure who it’s for outside of the person at the tailgate who defines themselves by garish attire because it compensates for their woeful lack of personality. It’s always the more boring cats who wear things like BIG HAT, the same way people put pissing Calvin stickers on their back window — I’m sorry, but it’s not a substitution for being interesting, no matter how hard you try.

That said, I do see some advantages to BIG HAT. Well, more aptly I can think specifically of four things a BIG HAT is good for:

  1. Sneaking popcorn into a movie theater
  3. Assisting your amateur sports-based magic act
  4. Hiding that you haven’t gotten a haircut in 17 months

Outside of this, I don’t really know what BIG HAT is for … unless. Hold on a sec, we have a cultural touchstone for this. In Season 5, Episode 13 of The Simpsons Homer is tasked with wearing a giant cowboy hat into the Kwik-E-Mart with a camera inside to capture evidence of malfeasance and poor food preparation.

What if this is a Roger Goodell arranged sting operation to get dirt on Dan Snyder? What if BIG HAT is really a cover for espionage? Maybe that’s why Robinson isn’t so psyched to wear the hat — because deep down he knows he’s trying to take down the boss while also being a boss on the field?

Or, I dunno, you can just buy BIG HAT here, but I can dream.

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