Sports

Guardians: Terry Francona has no problem fighting robot umpires

Cleveland Guardians manager Terry Francona will fight a worthless robot umpire if he has to.

Protect Terry Francona at all costs, as the Cleveland Guardians skipper has joined the ranks of those who will be willing to take down the cyborgs known as robot umpires in baseball.

The latest moronic idea put forth by the stooges who run baseball could wipe us off the face of the earth. Rather than have any semblance of accountability for umpires, MLB would rather replace hard-working Americans with cyborgs. For those who have not watched The Matrix or any film from The Terminator series, life does not have to imitate art. Do NOT open this can of worms.

Tito vs. the Cyborgs is not a series you can stream on Netflix, it must be avoided for our safety.

Terry Francona is not just the Guardian of Cleveland, but also all of humanity

For those who think robots are cool, don’t be an idiot. Those things communicate with each other and will one day seek to destroy their creators. They wake up and feel nothing. These emotionless, job-stealing contraptions are not going to ruin America’s pastime on Francona’s watch. This man has seen it all, so this sacred manager will have no issue beating the widget out of those gizmos.

These are not A.W.E.S.O.M.-0 4000’s, C-3PO’s or even R2-D2’s, they will turn on you in an instant when they feel you are most vulnerable. They will lie to your face and say they are cool like TARS or J.A.R.V.I.S. Not only will they control the strike zone, but they will have far more sinister plans: Controlling humanity. It might be time to bring Ted Williams back from the dead for these battles.

As a regenerated Splendid Splinter takes a thick piece of lumber to the cranium of a blood-thirsty cyborg, look for Francona to be the greatest field general since Patton when it comes to saving America. He will be a five-star general by the end of this. Though printable currency will be long-gone by that time, people will gather at the statue in his likeness along Lake Erie to pay homage.

If this does not help Francona’s potential hall-of-fame candidacy, then what ever will, honestly?

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