Sports

How can anyone root against Steph Curry? I’ll tell you how

Is this your king?

Is this your king?
Image: Getty Images

I tend to cringe when NBA pundits incredulously ask, “How could anyone root against Steph Curry?!” I’m not a LeBron true believer, here to disparage the greatest shooter in the history of the game. He’s incredible. The hand-eye coordination is something out of Star Wars. When little Anakin Skywalker told Qui-Gon Jinn (aka Liam Neeson) that he’s the only human who could pod race (not podcast, Draymond), I’m reminded of Wardell.

Curry is the only human capable of doing what he does. There’s no comparison. He emits a magnetic pull that attracts defenders regardless of if he has the ball. Watch him run off screens and on the base line and you can see opponents always watching, aways shading, look at the baby, look at the baby. (Do I sound like a happy guy to you, Frank?)

It’s transfixing, it’s mind boggling, it’s… been happening for almost a decade now. One of the reasons I’m not endlessly entertained by Curry is because my team, the Blazers, has been on the wrong side of too many third quarter runs, too many arena-erupting 3s, too many little “cute” shimmies.

If the Warriors win the Finals, which they’re one win away from doing, the 2022 playoffs will go down as Curry’s defining postseason. No Kevin Durant, no peak Klay Thompson or Draymond Green, no injury to Kyrie Irving’s knee, no more reasons to give someone else the Finals MVP. The Golden (State) child will have his LeBron-holding-the-Larry-O’Brien-and-Finals-MVP-trophies commemorative photo. (If you’re going to ride Splash Mountain, you need to buy the photo.)

I dread that IG post the same way I fear another Tom Brady Super Bowl win. It’s nothing against either player — well maybe not Brady, he’s a tool on and off the field — but like when did the NBA ban Warriors detractors? It’s mandatory to giggle with glee every time Klay or Curry gets hot. I hated Steve Kerr on the Bulls and Spurs, and this isn’t any different.

Joe Lacob is a genius because the Timberwolves weren’t? It’s not like Curry was some unknown prospect. I remember him at Davidson. I even liked him at Davidson. And the Green draft pick was great. David Lee had to get hurt in order for them to figure out that Draymond should start, though. And let’s not forget the Klay-for-Kevin Love trade that never was.

I know the tree of sports media must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of bad takes and tyrants, so allow me to offer up this terrible opinion: I’m good on Steph Curry and the Warriors. They’re great for basketball if you’re not a Trail Blazers fan. Now, Brigadier General Hummel, kindly fire those VX gas rockets and end this dynasty because I’d rather get vaporized out to sea like Sean Connery than hear another grown man drool into his microphone.

Jim Rome said Curry will take home Finals MVP win or lose, and I believe him. Adam Silver is holed up in a five-star hotel somewhere in BeanTown, shoving a Q-tip up his nose every hour hoping for a negative COVID test so he can present Curry with the award like a schmuck car salesmen handing one of those oversized novelty checks to John Daly at the end of the inaugural Buckhead Ford Pro-Am.

How many points would a player not named Curry have to score over the final two games to usurp Curry’s Green jacket? If Jayson Tatum goes for 40 in Game 6 and a double-nickel in Game 7 to bring banner No. 18 to Boston, Curry will still get his lifetime achievement award/Finals MVP.

Yes, I know that’s wildly unfair to say because he’s carrying a squad that’s more on the verge of being washed than another three titles in four years. However, no one really gives a shit what I say.

They’re too busy dousing themselves in Curry highlights like water in the movie Flashdance. It’s OK to not like the Warriors for reasons other than an unhealthy allegiance to LeBron. I do it all the time.

So, if you’re asking how could anyone root against Curry and the Warriors, your answer is a mix of jaded victim and annoyed media consumer. We may not be as rare as BigFoot or Baba Yaga, even if it feels that way when Golden State is in the Finals.

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