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Look: Good luck defending Magnum P.I. era Travis Kelce

Travis Kelce is the epitome of Magnum P.I. majestic masculinity at Kansas City Chiefs camp.

Let’s try not to disappoint our adopted stepfather Travis Kelce, as the Kansas City Chiefs star tight end is so going to ground us for getting D’s in trigonometry whilst rocking this absolutely majestic Tom Selleck Magnum P.I. mustache.

With a buzz cut and a well-groomed upper lip, Kelce looks like he could be one of three men who would know what to do with a baby. He may not give a Guttenbergian performance in that endeavor, but Mr. Baseball looks like he is about to try out for the New York Yankees, while the guy who used to pitch for the Boston Red Sox learns how to floss on the set of The Good Place.

Staring into the eyes of a man who saw some stuff in ‘Nam, Jason Mendoza stands zero chance.

Kansas City Chiefs: Travis Kelce has a mustache Tom Selleck would be jealous of

At this point of his life, Kelce should only rock aviators. If a police officer were to pull him over, he would not be given a ticket, only compliments from the state trooper. He would ask what type of clippers he uses to look so gosh darn Ron Burgundian in the midst of football boot camp. No autographs will be had, my friend, but the sage advice will change the recipient’s life forever.

From Ken Anderson to Mike Ditka to Conrad Dobler to Ben Davidson to Dave Wannstedt, upper-lipped facial hair has been as synonymous with NFL football as John Madden in the booth, Bud Light spots in Super Bowl commercials and Roger Goodell getting booed relentlessly whenever, wherever the shield decides we need to be together for the draft. Rog’s basement be damned!

As the Chiefs push towards another league championship, expect for Kelce to keep his hair high and tight and for his mustache to be groomed forever to the T. It takes an absurd amount of discipline to have the best record in football and win multiple playoff games in the elements. No doubt, there is nobody I would want to be in the foxhole with than our Tom Skerritt, Travis Kelce.

As we fly into the Danger Zone, be thankful that Kelce looks so damn good rocking his aviators.

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