Marcelo booted from Lyon locker room for excessive farts, laughter

Who amongst us?

Who amongst us?
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Brazilian soccer player Marcelo couldn’t stop busting ass in the Lyon locker room and laughing about it. His flatulence became too much for his teammates to handle, as ESPN reported his farting and cackling about crackin’ a rat was the reason behind Marcelo’s expulsion from Lyon last August.

The French top-tier club hasn’t specified whether the scent, volume, frequency or a combination of the three was too much for others to concentrate on soccer. The 34-year-old Marcelo had been with Lyon since 2017 and made 121 appearances for the club at center back.

The gassy goal-stopper isn’t to be confused with the Brazilian defender of the same name. Real Madrid’s Marcelo has 58 caps for the Brazilian men’s national team, while the tootin’ Marcelo only represented the country at the under-20 level, well before his ass-blasting extravaganza began.

Marcelo was banned from the Ligue 1 squad after laughing during captain Leo Dubois’ rah-rah speech following a 3-0 loss. His breaking wind and giggling didn’t sit well with either club manager Peter Bosz or sporting director Juninho. Marcelo may have not been sitting well either based on what the team ate for lunch. And how uptight do you have to be not to laugh at a good fart? Whoopie cushions are still popular!

According to, holding in farts is actually unhealthy: “The wave action of the walls of the intestine pushes the gas along first. Holding in a fart just keeps those bubbles of gas in the gut. Nothing of substance can really move along until the gas is gone.” Are you literally gaslighting your teammates if you’re needlessly farting around them?

Marcelo played with Lyon’s reserve team before his contract was terminated at the end of January and he joined soon-to-be-relegated Bordeaux. He was reportedly considered one of Lyon’s leaders and had signed a new contract with the club earlier in 2021, but the club described his dismissal as “inappropriate behavior.”

Marcelo should’ve been more professional than to laugh for any reason during a vulnerable team moment, especially hot-boxing a locker room. Sometimes, pre-shit happens. And Lyon needed to be understanding of Marcelo lettin’ one rip. How much must the Brazilian let ‘em fly for his farting to become a fireable offense? Probably a shit-ton.

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