My ex forced me to have a sterilisation – but now I regret it

DEAR DEIDRE: WHEN we were together, my now ex-husband persuaded me to have a sterilisation procedure, but now I deeply regret it.

I’ve learned his new partner is pregnant, and I’m jealous, even though he and I have two lovely sons aged eight and four.


My ex stopped me from having more children and has threatened my new relationship

I’m 37 and my ex is 40. We were married for ten years before we split two years ago.

For the last year, I have been in a new relationship, with a wonderful, caring man who is 34.

He doesn’t have children and I know he would like them one day.

I haven’t told him that I’m unable to get pregnant yet, because I’m worried he’ll leave me.

The reason I’m sterilised is because my ex didn’t like using condoms and wouldn’t have a vasectomy.

So after my second boy was born, I agreed to get my tubes tied.

I didn’t imagine we’d split up, or that I’d want to have more children in the future.

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Not only has his selfishness stopped me having more children, it is also threatening the future of my new relationship.

It’s so unfair. What can I do?

DEIDRE SAYS: Your sadness and jealousy are natural, but you shouldn’t beat yourself up or blame your ex.

You did what was right for you then, without knowing what the future held. Now you are grieving for your lost fertility.

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Talking to a counsellor could really help. My support pack, Sterilisation You Regret, has useful information and sources of support.

You may be able to reverse your sterilisation. Do talk to your doctor, and be honest with your partner, so you can overcome this together.

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